The bile rises once more

        as they tenderly hold each other. 



vainly at one another.

Can’t they See?

There isn’t any point,

At All.

Not now.

Not Ever.

Her hand reaches slowly behind his shoulder—

        I cringe.

Her cold hand falls lightly to his side—

        I gag.

His gray clawing fingers meet hers—

        I have to leave.

My tray remains as I leave the room;

        Glass tumbling as I slam into the table

Heads turn,

        Eyes gouge

                At whatever I might be hiding



from—but   it’s not for them to know,

               it’s not for them to know,

        Eyes gouge

         but   they can’t see my soul

The floor listens to my footsteps, accelerating

        Even as the glass,

with each sharp   echo

resonates a lighthearted dirge

                intent on mocking me

They can all see,

        can’t they?

        CONTROL myself

They can’t know

They Can’t

They CAN’T

But they still scream at me

                  curse    at me

                  laugh   at me

They Know.


Our eyes meet—

        and she knows too.

She doesn’t laugh at his joke

Her smile?  I’m nothing.  Invisible.

an Untouchable.

The handle reaches for me

        strives to connect

At least something out there wants me

If only to end the craving for the



of long practiced maneuvering

    and suddenly

the room is free of my presence

The door slams silence behind me.

        I shudder.

Slams silence into crisp attention.

        I crawl

Silence that brings! 

I howl.

© Tofer Carlson 2011